All I know is I sure can’t wait until the Yankees’ annual June Boone Swoon begins because it can’t possibly be as bad as their Dismay in May, right?

What could be worse than the way the lifeless, feeble Yankees have played for the past two-plus weeks? We can only hope that this is the low point of 2026 because if there’s still a June Boone Swoon to come, the way the Rays are playing, the Yankees are going to be out of realistic contention in the AL East before the summer even heats up.

My God, it’s so exhausting with this team, isn’t it? They win the first two against these loathsome, irritating Blue Jays and then they just shit the bed in the last two and because I hate the Jays so much, it makes these losses feel 10 times more aggravating. Of course, losing to the Rays - which I’m fully expecting will happen at least twice this weekend, maybe three times - is every bit as excruciatingly miserable.

The Yankees were talking tough about how they were out to avenge what happened against the Jays last year when they lost 11 of 17 games including three of four in the AL Divisional Series. Yeah, way to back it up boys. They were fortunate to win the first two, holding on for dear life at the end because their bullpen was dying to blow both, and they completely went to sleep in the last two and scored one run on nine hits combined and were deservedly booed off the field Thursday night.

It just feels like we’re on wash, rinse, repeat for 16 years running with this team. It’s the same bullshit baseball year after year. Once again they teased us with a good start and were 26-12 at the close of play May 7, a half-game ahead of the Rays, and all the analysts were already booking Midtown hotels for the World Series.

Since then they’ve lost nine of 13 games, looked like shit in the process, and folks, they are 4.5 games behind Tampa Bay and it’s six in the loss column. That’s right, six games in the loss column which is the one that matters.

And let’s face it, as I said above, that deficit is very likely going to increase this weekend because right now the Yankees are no match for the Rays who are scorching hot and simply don’t lose, as their current 21-4 run would attest. Honestly, I have zero ambition to watch any of those games, and that includes the long-awaited return of Gerrit Cole Friday because there really can’t be a worse team for Cole to be pitching against in his first outing since October 2024.

During this 13-game nightmare, the Yankees are batting .198 as a team, they’re OPS is .627, they’re hitting .186 with runners in scoring position, and they’re striking out in 28.7% of their at bats which is the worst in MLB in that span.

I’d say it’s stunning, but it’s not stunning at all. This what they do. The offense is no different than it is every other damn year - they hit a bunch of home runs, and they do nothing else, so when they don’t hit homers like the last two games in this series, they’re in big trouble.

Oh, but if you listen to the analytics nerds, they’ll tell you that the Yankees are still a great team because of their positive run differential. That is such a crock of shit because to me, that’s the most meaningless measurement in baseball.

The Yankees are plus-67 right now which is fourth-best in MLB, but here’s why it’s meaningless. The Yankees have won four games this season - 12-4 over the Astros, 11-3 and 12-1 over the Orioles, and 13-4 over the Royals - which adds up to plus-36 of that plus-67. Great, but memo to the nerds: That only counts for four wins. In games decided by two runs or less, they’re 11-13, and they’re a plus-3. That counts as 13 losses. Put it together and just in that sample size, they are plus-39 in run differential, but their record is 4-13.

Run differential doesn’t mean shit if you inflate it by winning a few blowout games but then lose a bunch of close games.

“We've got some work to do,” Aaron Judge said. “We don't like splitting a series; we'll take care of business the next one.”

More big talk. Back it up this weekend against what has been the best team in the AL, a team that already swept you a month ago.

➤ Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good, and that was kind of the story of this game. Down 5-3 in the seventh, the Yankees got two-run homers from Cody Bellinger and Jazz Chisholm which proved to be the difference. Bellinger’s bounced off the top of the wall in right-center and went over, and Chisholm clanged his off the left-field foul pole. You take it however you can get it, and the Yankees sure needed it after their hideous road trip.

➤ David Bednar should be an honorary member of the Wallenda family because every time this guy pitches, it’s like he’s walking a tightrope 50 stories above Times Square and you’re watching breathlessly, wondering if he’s going to get safely across. Sunday against the Mets he didn’t and he went splat. Monday, he somehow made it to the other side but what a journey. It’s hard to watch.

➤ In the ninth he walked leadoff man Ernie Clement who, my God, what an incredible pain in the ass he is. Believe me, Clement presents quite a conundrum for me because he’s a Rochester kid and such a great story, but he is playing for a team I despise with every molecule in my body so I cannot ever bring myself to root for him. My fervent wish is he winds up on an NL team someday. Anyway, Bednar then allowed a pinch-hit RBI double by Jesus Sanchez that made it 7-6 with no outs. After a strikeout, he walked someone named Yohendrick Pinango (no, I didn’t make that name up) so now he had to face the two biggest pains in the asses on this team, George Springer and Vladimir Guerrero, and incredibly, he escaped. He fell behind Springer 3-0 but got him to chase three straight splitters for the strikeout, and then on a 3-2 pitch Guerrero grounded out to second to end it. Breathe, breathe.

➤ Ryan Weathers wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t good either. He gave up a three-run homer to Clement on a fly ball that just kept carrying. And then of course Springer, who has been abysmal all year, sees the Yankees and his eyes light up and he hit a solo homer. Weathers gave up five runs on seven hits but he had no walks and struck out seven. Paul Blackburn and Fernando Cruz got seven outs to get it to Bednar, and then he needed 36 pitches to save it.

➤ How about Anthony Volpe? I have to admit, he’s been pretty good since coming back and in this game he had a double, a single, and he scored a run on JC Escarra’s sac fly with a magnificent slide to avoid the tag despite the ball beating him there. Great play, and this is the Volpe we’ve all wanted to see. Get on base, steal bases, score runs, and that’s what he’s been doing.

➤ There is nothing more terrifying these days than a Yankees’ ninth inning. For the third game in a row they put us through another hellish 10 or so minutes, this time with Camilo Doval driving the out of control bus down the mountainside road. He was the closer for this game and he was handed a two-run lead which was immediately in peril when he walked Andres Gimenez and gave up a bloop, pinch-hit single to the devil incarnate himself, Clement, so it was first and third and no outs.

➤ Here, he got Springer to hit a rocket right at him which he dropped but was able to get the out at first, and then came a huge moment. Guerrero fouled off the first five pitches before ripping a liner into the right-center gap which Trent Grisham tracked down and caught for the second out with Gimenez scoring. However, Clement brain-farted by not tagging and moving to third and that proved critical. The next man, Daulton Varsho hit a grounder to second which Rice foolishly tried to go after, even though it was Jazz Chisholm’s play all the way. Doval was late to cover first so Varsho beat it out for a single and Clement took third, but had he tagged up, Clement would have scored the tying run. Doval then got Kaz Okamoto to ground to Volpe to end the game. Again, breathe, breathe.

➤ Will Warren wasn’t great, but the only three runs he allowed all came in the third and were the product of typical Blue Jays ball as they managed four singles and a walk, two of the singles of the soft contact opposite field variety that drove in runs. It could have been worse, but he left men on first and third by retiring Tyler Heineman and Springer.

➤ A shocking thing happened in the bottom of the third. After walks to Judge and Chisholm, Ryan McMahon hit a three-run homer to left to tie it. That broke his 0-for-24 slump, and I say slump, but is that the right word because it isn’t a slump if you’re perpetually a terrible hitter. Hey, it was a big hit off a good pitcher in Dylan Cease, so good for him.

➤ The Yankees went ahead in the fifth when Grisham walked and Rice launched a two-run homer.

➤ In the bullpen, Brent Headrick did a nice job getting four outs including Okamoto to end the seventh with men on first and third.

➤ Great pitchers’ duel between Cam Schlittler and Trey Yesavage, and it should not have been a surprise that the Blue Jays won the game because they are the team that can put the ball in play and make things happen, as opposed to the Yankees who have to rely on the home run. With pitchers this good, you’re not hitting home runs, so yeah, I had little faith that the Yankees were going to win this, and they didn’t.

➤ Schlittler was great, until he wasn’t in the seventh when the first four men - the bottom four in the batting order - reached base for the game’s first run and they did it in such Blue Jays fashion. Clement, now majoring in being a pest, hit a 60-foot nubber to third for a leadoff single. Sanchez walked, then Brandon Valenzuela laid down a perfect sacrifice which was so perfect that he beat it out to load the bases. And then Gimenez put up an 11-pitch at bat before walking to force in a run and end Schlittler’s night. Maddening in every way. Jake Bird came on and did a good job in allowing just a sac fly by Guerrero to at least keep the Yankees in it.

➤ Yesavage dominated the Yankees just like he did in Game 2 of the ALDS last year. He went six shutout innings and gave up two meaningless singles, no walks and he struck out eight. They had no chance against him.

➤ Mason Fluharty came in for the seventh and right away Chisholm and Paul Goldschmidt singled for the first scoring chance of the game, but Jeff Hoffman came in and retired Amed Rosario and McMahon. And then in the ninth against the previously unhittable Louie Varland and his 0.38 ERA, the Yankees threatened but came up short. Bellinger doubled, took third on Chisholm’s infield single and scored on Goldschmidt’s grounder, but Rosario struck out on a terrible pitch to end it. The Yankees went 1-for-6 with runners in scoring position.

➤ Nice MLB debut for reliever Yovanny Cruz who got three outs, including two strikeouts, on eight pitches in the eighth. The 26-year-old has been bumping around the minors for a few organizations since 2018 and at Triple-A this year he had a 3.00 ERA and was averaging 11.5 strikeouts per nine innings. My guess is he’s going down as soon as Gerrit Cole is activated Friday, but maybe he’s someone who can help this ragged bullpen eventually.

➤ What is there to say about this disgraceful night? The Blue Jays are missing half of what was supposed to be their starting rotation, they’re missing three key position players, and they’ve been scuffling most of the season and are still a below .500 team at 23-27. And yet they still split this series with the Yankees, who they continue to own. Seriously, did that even feel like a split because the way the last two deplorable games went, it felt like a series loss.

➤ In this game they didn’t have a starting pitcher so they had to go with a bullpen game which featured guys no one’s ever heard of, and they shut the Yankees out on three measly hits. The Yankees didn’t even get a man to touch third base. In the last two games they scored one run and struck out 25 times, the first time that’s ever happened in a two-game span at home. Ever, for a franchise that began playing in 1903.

➤ Someone named Brandon Fisher was the opener. Someone named Adam Macko was next, then someone named Spencer Miles was the bulk guy who went 4.1 innings before two guys we do know, Tyler Rogers and Hoffman, closed it out for the Jays. Just ridiculous in every way to get shutout in that situation.

➤ Carlos Rodon was better than he was in his first two starts - one run on three hits and three walks, but still he needed 95 pitches and lasted just five innings. The run came in the first as Guerrero walked, stole second and scored on a weak Varsho grounder to third that hit the bag and rolled into left for a double. Toronto’s only other run came when Springer homered off Doval, meaning that stiff has allowed at least one run in nine of his last 19 appearances.

➤ You know who has sucked lately? Judge. He’s in a brutal slump as he struck out four times Wednesday and went 0-for-4 Thursday including a killer double play that ended the eighth inning. For the series he was 1-for-15 and since that miserable road trip began, Judge is 9-for-47 with one homer and one RBI and 19 whiffs. He has now gone 10 games without driving in a run, the longest slump of his career.

➤ With Gerrit Cole and Jose Caballero set to return Friday, Spencer Jones and Yovanny Cruz were sent back to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre. Cruz pitched well Wednesday, not so well Thursday, but he proved he could be helpful later on if needed. Jones proved to be exactly who we thought he was - a strikeout machine, only unlike in the minors, he had zero slug. In 10 games, Jones went 4-for-24 (all singles) with two RBIs, three walks and 12 strikeouts. Sorry, I just don’t see it with him. These moves also mean Grisham is probably OK after tweaking his knee, and Volpe is staying up, and the way he has played in the past week he deserves to be in New York.

From one team that I absolutely hate to the next. The ever-annoying and apparently now unbeatable Rays are in for the weekend and yeah, it’s only May, blah, blah, blah, but these are huge games for the Yankees because they can’t afford to continue falling farther behind the hottest team in the universe.

Just like the Blue Jays, the Rays will drive you batty with their contact skills and while I might hate those teams with a passion, I also envy how they hit the ball and make things happen. The Rays have struck out 342 times, fewest in MLB, compared to the Yankees’ 461 which is fifth-most. The Rays rank third in both average (.261) and on-base (.335), yet their 41 homers are tied for third-fewest. Oh, their run differential is plus-40, just in case I didn’t convince you up above that that’s a useless stat.

The Rays’ pitching staff ranks sixth with a 3.57 ERA and wouldn’t you know it, in this year where everything is going right for the Rays, they’ll have their three best starting pitchers lined up to face the Yankees.

➤ DH Yandy Diaz: He’s on the all-Yankee killer team and he’s having another great season with a .394 on-base and .900 OPS, both of which lead the team.

➤ 1B Jonathan Aranda: His 37 RBI leads the AL and he is also walking 14.9% of the time.

➤ 3B Junior Caminero: He leads the Rays with 13 homers and he also has a .357 on-base.

➤ LF Chandler Simpson: The fastest man in baseball is hitting .288, leads the AL with four triples and he has 14 stolen bases.

➤ RP Bryan Baker: The closer has a 2.66 ERA, a 1.033 WHIP, 13 saves, and is basically what we wish David Bednar would be.